Ritz-Carlton

Wine Goose didn't pay much attention to all the media hype surrounding the opening of Ireland's latest 'uber hotel' as she did not for one moment think she would be gracing the establishment with her presence in this decade or the next. So imagine her surprise and delight when Mr Q arrived home from work one evening and presented her with a couple of invitations to a posh Black Tie Ball taking place in The Ritz-Carlton Powerscourt Hotel.

A lady's normal reaction when presented with this sort of invitation is not an enthusiastic "you're wonderful darling, I'm looking forward to the evening already" or even a lukewarm "that's great but I'm not sure if the babysitter is free." It is of course "what am I going to wear?" And what am I going to wear? A quick call to the Personal Shopper outlining my requirements (elegant, stunning, slimming, different) ensues, and an appointment is made. But there will be more to this evening than just a nice dress - legs must be smooth, skin must be golden, face must be glowing and dewy, nails must be professionally polished, hair must shine. That's another five appointments and all must be fitted in around the children's hectic timetable.

The last time Wine Goose attended a black tie event having golden skin required 10 sessions on a sunbed. Nowadays the same look can be achieved in less than 30 minutes with spray tan. The victim simply strips down to a pair of disposable knickers (pushing memories of childbirth firmly aside), stands in a booth, and allows a 'bronzing professional' to air-brush her with a potion that seemingly eliminates the need for a fortnights holiday each year. Some drawbacks of course, which my professional points out as she instructs me to rotate my body, lift my arms/legs, or puff out my cheeks. No bath for the children tonight - any splashes on my arms will result in giveaway white circles; the potion smells horrible and can't be washed off for 8 hours or the exercise will have been futile; most importantly the potions adheres to clothes, sheets and just about everything you come in contact with before you're allowed to wash it off, tanning them also. A manicure on the same day is also out - the clash of potions results in some unimaginable hand discolouration.

It's been worth all the effort I decide as I tape myself into my dress that evening. Underwear has changed a lot too, no more miles of straps circling the body in order of avoid one crossing the back. Mr Q and I whizz down the N11 in the comfort of a chauffeur driven car and shortly arrive at the hotel. It's dark so the Palladian inspired architectural features are lost on us. There are excessive numbers of staff waiting to greet us and revolve us into the lobby, which is massive and therefore impressive, all dark wood and chandeliers. The sweeping staircase leads us down to a bar set up outside the Ballroom. I like my Function Rooms to be on the ground floor so am a little uneasy. Once underground the low ceilings add further to this feeling. I join in the chat, all of which centres on the hotel itself. The name Gordon Ramsay pops up frequently, in typical Irish style his restaurant has been booked up on weekends for a year in advance. During a lull in conversation I professionally swirl the white wine in my glass before tasting. It is a perfectly acceptable Sauvignon Blanc, probably Chilean I decide.

Black dresses abound, as do rugby types, all slapping each other on the back and addressing each other by embarrassing schoolboy nicknames, like Slasher, or Micko, or Bazzer. But the atmosphere is good as we are ushered into the Ballroom. Lots of oohs and aahs from the ladies and feigned appreciative concurring from their men. First impressions are that there is a lot of glass hanging from the ceiling, and that the ceiling is indeed very low. There don't appear to be any windows, but as it is night-time I can't be sure. During the earlier chat I learned that the hotel lobby is actually on the fourth floor, as the hotel has seven stories on one side and four on the other. Confused? So am I. The tables are as immaculately dressed as the ladies, the service is second to none, the food and wine are acceptable. The red is heralded as 'Mademoiselle L 2004' but no further information is given. Later research reveals it to be a Bordeaux (Haut Medoc AOC). I got the country right but would not have thought it was a Claret. I was however right about the white - CasaBlanca from Chile.

The conversation flows and there is lots of witty banter, but it is difficult to compete with the flashiness of our surroundings. So I start to wonder if venues nowadays have developed to the point that the occupants are almost superfluous, and are in most cases overwhelmed by the decor, to the extent that they can't compete, but almost take a back seat in the proceedings. Then all that anyone can remember the next day is the 'Magnificent Ballroom'. A sorry state of affairs in Ireland, where conversation was so long king. Mr Q and I take our leave just as things are hotting up, the fate of most parents of young children. On our way out a member of staff offers to show us the Gordon Ramsay Restaurant. It's another very impressive room, although much more restrained. Weather permitting, a meal on the balcony would surely be memorable. Failing that, there are a handful of tables situated by the window which would be acceptable, but it would be a terrible pity to plan a special night out find yourself in no mans land in the middle of the floor.

Comfort food was required the following day, so Wine Goose served Tagliatelle Carbonara, complemented by a bottle of Bertani Valpolicella Valpaltena Secco. This is a wonderfully complex and concentrated ripasso bursting with spice and walnut aromas and flavours. €14.99